Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
