Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
