I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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