Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
