You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
