I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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