Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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