hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
