Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
