listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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