??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
