There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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