shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
