Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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