Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
