Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
