doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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