I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
