she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
