My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
