Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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