I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
