I hate all girls vehemently.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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