I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
