Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
