Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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