well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this will be a night to untag.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
