Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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