and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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