Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again