If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.