My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.