She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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