I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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