Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
