Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
