So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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