1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
