All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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