Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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