I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
