He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize