can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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