my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
