I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize