The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Congratulations! We have a period
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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