Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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