Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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