Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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