I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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