Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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