dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
