i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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