so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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