so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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