He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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