I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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