I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
