i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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