I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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