I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
