I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
