If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
a search helicopter?!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
