I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
