I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
