He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
