I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
