Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
