Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
