I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
